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 Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, but your significant other is miles away (or doesn’t even know you). It can be hard to stay positive when everyone else is planning for the big day and you’re left alone. We talked with Dr. Shauna Springer, a local psychologist and relationship expert, to give you real tips for making it through the couple’s holiday without eating more than a pint of ice cream.
By Jessica Chapman
When They’re Out of Town
Communicate
This sound familiar?: Your boyfriend or girlfriend visits for the weekend, and you arrange to go out with your friends. You’re thinking, “This person is really important to me, and I want them to meet the people I care about.” He or she is thinking, “I only have a couple days here, and I just want to be with you.”
The No. 1 problem with failed long-distance relationships is miscommunication, Dr. Springer says. Because most of your communication is through e-mail and phone calls, there are no visual cues to see how your significant other responds to something. It is crucial to be upfront when discussing important things like upcoming visits.
Know Who You’re Getting
According to Dr. Springer, a person can maintain an illusion of who they are for about two years. People in long-distance relationships are especially susceptible because they don’t see each other daily. Dr. Springer says it’s easy for couples in a long-distance relationship to think they’re with “the one,” but they could be missing out on a lot of information. After about two years it gets harder to keep up that illusion, so that’s when you should really think about if you want to move forward in your relationship.
Establish Trust
Trust builds with time, and a long-distance relationship can show how reliable you are. You should always call when you say you will because it is one of the most important ways to establish trust, Dr. Springer says. You lack the ability to reassure when you’re far apart, so it’s essential to stay true to your word.
Don’t Slack
Many people in long-distance relationships tend to get lazy. You need to show your partner you are making an effort, Dr. Springer says. A small gift or something thoughtful, like handwritten letters, can give your sweetie something to hold in their hands when they’re missing you.
Avoid Trouble Talk
Women, and sometimes men, have the tendency to bond over what Dr. Springer calls “trouble talk.” Trouble talk is discussing problems you’re having, whether it’s issues at school or work. Men tend to have a “fix-it attitude,” and in a long-distance relationship there is nothing they can do to fix your problems. It just makes them feel helpless and frustrated. Avoid bringing minor issues to a relationship.
End On a Good Note
In a long-distance relationship, the last thing you said will play in his or her mind, so make sure what you say before you hang up the phone is something they’ll want to remember. Dr. Springer says that while all couples have arguments that cannot be solved quickly, make sure you do not say something you’re going to regret in the morning.
When You’re On Your Own
Celebrate With Friends
Who said you have to go out with a significant other for Valentine’s Day? Grab a group of single friends and go out for dinner and drinks. A night out with friends can be a memorable experience, Dr. Springer says. To really celebrate, take advantage of Florida’s weather and spend the weekend at the beach.
Treat Yourself
Dr. Springer says that treating yourself on Valentine’s Day is a good way to get your mind off being single. If you enjoy buying you
rself nice jewelry or a box of chocolates, go ahead. Do something to make you feel special.
Set New Goals
Get out of a negative mindset and turn your Valentine blues into something positive. Make this a day to look at new expectations for your life, Dr. Springer says.
It’s One Day
Don’t forget that Valentine’s Day only comes once a year. If you keep thinking about expectations for the day, it becomes a much bigger deal. You don’t need to be in a relationship to know that someone loves you.
Contact Dr. Springer at Clinical Psychology Associates of North Central Florida, 352-336-2888.
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